Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
