While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
