Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
