Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
