yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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