sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
