Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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