dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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