We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
