dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
