??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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