I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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