I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
