Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
