On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
