There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
