He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
