I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
