my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
pop tarts are not kleenex
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
