Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
