I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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