yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
