I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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