It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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