Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
