I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Fuck appropriateness.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
