I faked an abortion last night.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bring me that man meat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
