Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
