Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
