my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
