my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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