had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
