Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize