I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
