we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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