Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
