I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You need a sexual gate keeper
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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