i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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