Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
