I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
