the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
