dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
