so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
