Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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