And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
