god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
