My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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