i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize