Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
