So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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