Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
