I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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