Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
