It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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