they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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