youre lurking in front of me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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