Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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