she was so not down for the gang bang
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
