so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
