the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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