if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
