either way he was missing a nipple.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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