I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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