What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
