We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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