Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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