I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
