Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize