I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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