You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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