your room smells of hookers.
And success
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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