Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
