I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
