I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
