I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
