I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
