I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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