the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
