I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
