We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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