Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
