It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
