walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
