i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
