A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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