I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
