Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize