I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize