You're my little dorito
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
