im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
