I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
