He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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