yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
