Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
