I feel great
I just peed on a car
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
