Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize