he shaved USA in his pubs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize