did you get engaged???
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
