I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
