Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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