Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
