1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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