i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
