the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
