The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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