hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
