I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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