two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
