Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
