We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
