i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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