Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
