I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
