Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mom said you looked used
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
