I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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